Prayer- Am I yearning for Him, or do I just need to feel better about myself?

Most believers want a more consistent, deeper prayer life.  Many look for a perfect formula...how should we pray, how long, how often, is morning the best time of day?  I've asked all of these questions, and many more. 

I just began reading Philip Yancey's book, "Prayer - Does It Make Any Difference?"  He writes, "I write about prayer as a pilgrim, not an expert.  I have the same questions that occur to almost everyone at some point.  Is God listening?  Why should God care about me?  If God knows everything, what's the point of prayer?  Why do answers to prayer seem so inconsistent, even capricious?  Does a person with many praying friends stand a better chance of physical healing than one who also has cancer but with only a few people praying for her?  Why does God sometimes seem close and sometimes faraway?  Does prayer change God or change me?" 

As I seek to know God, to understand His heart, and to love Him with all of my heart, I am continually amazed that He gives us the privilege and gift of prayer.  I love His character - how He wants us to come to Him, but He does not tell us how often.  He wants us - it's about relationship.  Jesus prayed.  Jesus taught us how to pray (Matthew 6:9-13.)  He also gave a stern warning to NOT be like the hypocrites, those who love to pray publicly (Matthew 6:5-8.)  

I do not want my prayer life to be a checklist - "got that done, now off to the next thing."  Neither does God, and He sees my heart.  Am I yearning for Him, or do I just need to feel better about myself?  Do I really believe that He hears me, more importantly, am I listening with my ears and heart? 

I do not believe that quiet times of prayer with our Creator should be out of guilt - that is not of God.  However, as a mother of three young children, sometimes I'm doing good just to get my teeth brushed in the mornings!  Yet growing in anything - closer to our spouse, exercise, relationships, education - all require discipline.  Yancey writes, "...I have come to see prayer as a privilege, not a duty.  Like all good things, prayer requires some discipline.  Yet I believe that life with God should seem more like friendship than duty.  Prayer includes moments of ecstasy and also dullness, mindless distraction and acute concentration, flashes of joy and bouts of irritation.  In other words, prayer has features in common with all relationships that matter."

I recently read an excerpt from an interview that Greta Van Susteran had with Billy Graham on December 20, 2010.  He was 92 years old - here's the question and his answer:

VAN SUSTERAN: If you were to do things over again, would you do it differently?

GRAHAM: Yes. I would study more. I would pray more, travel less, take less speaking engagements. I took too many of them in too many places around the world. If I had it to do over again, I'd spend more time in meditation and prayer and just telling the Lord how much I love him and adore him and looking forward the time we're going to spend together for eternity.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/on-the-record/transcript/rev-billy-graham-reflects-his-life-ministry-and-special-relationship-bush-family#ixzz1NrUrDDN7

And, just today I read Beth Moore's latest blog entry...what was it on????  Prayer, of course.  God knows He has to hit me upside the head most of the time!!

http://blog.lproof.org/2011/05/so-how-do-you-balance-your-prayer-life.html

On this journey of faith, I have been very specific with God in my prayers that I want to know and experience Him and His plans for my life to the fullest extent possible this side of heaven.  I certainly did not come up with those prayers on my own...I know myself too well...anything good that comes out of me is from the Lord.  I know that with every ounce of my being because my heart is deceptive above all things and so prone to wander.  Soooooo...if God has changed me in such a way that I desire to know Him more, then one of the most important aspects of this journey is my prayer life.